One girl and one boy is just not enough.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
