if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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