So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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