i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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