So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize