If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
