He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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