any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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