Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
