hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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