I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
