He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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