But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
