A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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