Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
