I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
