yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
