I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
