My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
