I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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