i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
