I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
