and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
