He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
