if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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