My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
