I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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