we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
