I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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