You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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