her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
