i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
