I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
