My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
