Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
