do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
