ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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