I skipped work to stalk him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
