I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize