Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
