Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
love makes seman taste better
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
