The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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