So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
