so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
