sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
