I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
