Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
