Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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