Umm I'm too high to move.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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