He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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