we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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