I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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