i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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