Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
