I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
