I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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