I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
