Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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