We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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