I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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