well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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