4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
