You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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