Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
