I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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