some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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